We all float down here…

We, of the Face Eaters Cinema Collective are people of principle. We do not lax in our duty to report all things “cult”, and pop-culturally significant, as so we deem it, to you largely morose, debased, and misanthropic slugs who we imagine read this shit but clearly don’t. And AS SUCH, we are doing you ingrates a favor, and getting peek at the new adaptation of Stephen Kings “IT”, so as to give you’s fucks an idea of whether or not you should give a fuck. We would be remiss if we didn’t tell you whether to spend some money on the always-risky gamble of a Stephen King adaptation, and we have assigned 16 of our best film aficionados to give us a good sampling of reactions and will have a full review up within the week. Until then, join 8 Grand Junction and 8 Denver FACE EATERS for what is sure to be one of the best horror films of the year….hopefully. Until then, get your paper boats sealed in paraffin wax, and join us for the horror premiere of the year!!

 

 

And naturally,

KEEP IT CULT

“DO YOU READ SUTTER CANE?”

Because honestly, you could cut out the middleman and just read H. P. Lovecraft instead.

That’s right cultists, our first topic of discussion is John Carpenter’s 1995 classic “In The Mouth Of Madness”, a film with so many winks and nods toward H. P. Lovecraft, one suspects it may well have Tourette’s Syndrome.   At it’s release in February of 1995, it was considered a financial disappointment, and was surprisingly divisive among fans of the genre. Those who fell on the side of hating this film generally cited what was felt to be a less than cohesive script coupled with an arguably vague narrative that left many confused as to the plot, and the (entirely unarguably) god-awful butt-rock soundtrack, explained, but far from excused, by the fact that it was composed and performed by the  director himself, in what can only be described as a prime example of artistic-masturbation/shameless ego-stroking. Those who feel this way have valid points that deserve to be addressed, but to these people we at The Face Eaters say a respectful but emphatic  “Go fuck yourself Sally! This movie is this shit!” And we do so because we are correct. It is. And I believe we all know why…

So let us begin at the beginning: with the title of the movie. While “In The Mouth Of Madness” is not necessarily in and of itself an obvious reference to the similarly named Lovecraft novella “At The Mountains Of Madness”, when taken in context with the rest of the film, it becomes hard to dismiss that it is, in fact, the first in a series of hat-tips to the 1920’s author who all but wrote this movie from the grave. The idea at the core of this picture is this: An unremarkable every-man notices something odd hiding just beneath the façade of everyday life and then proceeds to question too intently and delve too deeply in his  ill-advised search for the truth, only to uncover unfathomable entities engaged in an epic struggle for reality itself, in which to his horror he finds he is, and has always been, an unwitting pawn. And this, cultists, as we all know, is the quintessential Lovecraftian paradigm (see: “The Call Of Cthulhu”, “The Shadow Over Innsmouth”, “The Rats In The Walls”, “The Whisperer In The Dark”, “The Dreams In The Witch-House”, “The Thing On The Doorstep”…. really, just name a H. P. L. story and it probably applies…). Now consider the names of Sutter Cane’s books throughout the movie. “The Haunter Out Of Time”- by Sutter Cane, is undeniably similar to “The Haunter Of The Dark” and” The Shadow Out Of Time”- by H. P. Lovecraft…. no? “The Hobb’s End Horror”- by Sutter Cane? How ’bout “The Dunwich Horror” or “The Horror At Red Hook”- by our man H. P.? Oh, “The Breathing Tunnel”- by Sutter? Nah bitch, “The Crawling Chaos”- by Howard. And so on…  The creatures themselves in this film are described by screenwriter Michael De Luca and subsequently translated to film by John Carpenter comparably but far less competently  than the work done on the page by H. P.  in his myriad of stories written seven decades earlier, but much credit and praise is due for their homage to the colossus that strides alone through the world of horror. Finally there is the character of Sutter Cane himself: An elusive recluse and prolific writer of horror “fiction” so frightening, so powerful, that it has been known to inspire random homicidal violence in some, and suicidal actions in others. The truth, as revealed later in the film, is that Sutter Cane is a conduit, a willing participant in a plot orchestrated by beings exiled to a dimension directly adjacent to ours, who think of nothing other than reclaiming what they have lost.  Cane is a puppet-master among an unsuspecting populace, pulling subconscious strings to pave the way for the return of elder-things, just as he dances upon the strings of these others.  And in the (admittedly paraphrased) words of the immortal (and sadly, also racist) David Alan Coe: “If that ain’t Lovecraft, it’s a  damn-good joke…”

“In His House At R’lyeh, Dead Cthulhu Waits Dreaming…”

 

FaceCon VII Tickets: AVAILABLE!

FACECON VII tickets are on sale now! We only have approximately 20 spots available this time, so maybe snatch up your tickets before someone else does?

Who am I kidding? We’re going to be begging you fuckers to get your money in just days before FaceCon VII, and some of you won’t even get that done. However, let’s all stay positive and hope that enough people actually get their money in so we can rent this awesome place and FaceCon isn’t held in a KOA Campground. Can we do that? Sounds peachy.

Dates: October 12 – 15, 2017
That’s right. You get an extra day this time. And that’s something money can’t buy.

Location: Amen Schoolhouse, Monarch, CO and Surrounding Areas

Itinerary and more information is listed here.

Tickets are ON SALE NOW. As always, there’s strength in numbers and one is certainly the loneliest number. Share a bed with someone and trade your dignity for a discounted ticket!



FACECON VII: THE FINAL CHAPTER!!

Well there, cult compatriots. The hour draws neigh for another foray into the wilds of the Colorado landcape, to that most perilous of FACECON venues for a return to the place where it all began. The final showdown between Danny Doffer and Emily Sandford sets the narrative backdrop for our terrifying weekend of horror screenings, pervasive drug use and sexual situations, cash prizes, retro trading cards, swag bag tomfoolery and general public disturbances with just touch of Madness sprinkled in. Yes kiddies, it’s FACECON VII : THE FINAL CHAPTER. And we are going back to THE AMEN SCHOOLHOUSE in Monarch, Colorado. This year’s array of take no goddamn prisoners, madcap, loony, cinema fantastique will bedazzle the viewer and send him or her into a rapidly spiraling joyride of mystery and frenzied wonder.

And naturally, there will be fun, food, prizes, puzzles, fucking Dead bodies N shit…..the always popular FACECON MOTHER FUCKING TRIVIA!!! AND YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT’S GONNA BE A BARN BURNER THIS YEAR, SON!!

Here’s our tentative lineup for this year’s festivities,  the theme loosely being: fucking crazy ass horror, with a few fun flicks thrown in to keep your Nederland wet N juicy, and naturally a Friday the 13th will be in there somewhere along the way….. with some Joe Bob Briggs and George Buck Flower!!

Thursday, October 12th, 2017
7:00 pm – “What We Do In The Shadows”(2014)
8:30 pm – “Scream”(1996)
10:30 pm – “Scary Movie”(2000)
12:30 pm – RIFFTRAX(formerly MST3K) – “Halloween”(1978)

Friday, October 13th, 2017
9 am – BREAKFAST/ “Guardians of the Galaxy 2″(2017)
11:30 am – LUNCH/ “Slither”(2006)
1:30 pm – “Teeth”(2007)
3:30 pm – “TNT’S MONSTERVISION : “Friday the 13th Part 4: The Final Chapter”(1984)
6:00 pm – DINNER/ “Brainscan”(1994)
7:30 pm – THE X-FILES: “X Cops”(2000)
8:30 pm – “The Final Girls”(2015)
10:30 pm – “Tromeo and Juliet”(1997)
12:30 am – “Night of The Comet”(1984)

Saturday, October 14th, 2017
8:00 am – BREAKFAST/Mystery Screening (2017)
10:00 am – “Gremlins 2″(1990)
12:00 pm – LUNCH/”Evil Dead 2: Dead By Dawn”(1987)
2:00 pm – TRIVIA TIME!!/Facecon TV
4:30 pm – “Bride of Chucky”(1998)
6:30 pm – DINNER/ “Stage Fright”(2014)
8:30 pm – “Dead Alive”(1992)
10:30 pm – TNT’S MONSTERVISION : “The Fog”(1987)
12:30 am – “Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey”(1991)

Come one, come all, to the best exclusive, experiential horror convention club on the planet(cause we it, das why cum).

The craziness starts Thursday, October 12th and ends on Sunday morning, October 15th.

Get your ass to FACECON and KEEP IT CULT.

LASERS N’ POPCORN

As the 33 year anniversary of Real Genius begins to draw neigh, we here at the Face Eaters would just like to raise a liquid nitrogen cylinder and toast one of the greatest nerd comedies ever put to film. A coming-of-age story of young Mitch Taylor(Gabe Jarret) learning the ropes of being an intellectually-gifted freshman at elite school Pacific Tech University, whilst ever-being mentored/sabotaged by roommate and manic genius Chris Knight(masterfully played by Val Kilmer), This was and is easily one of the best teen comedies to emerge from the 1980’s. With it’s crazy inventions by the student body, cute-nerdy-dream-girl(80’s go-to-cute-nerdy-dream-girl, Michelle Meyrink), the always sardonic and hilarious William Atherton as the malevolent professor Hathaway and more geeky one liners than you can shake a giant cherry at, this movie is, well, genius. Thanks to director Martha Coolidge and crew for three decades of goofy-ass fun, giants cherris, exploding popcorn houses and, of course, smart people on ice!!

KEEP IT CULT

TOP HORROR PICK OF 2017, THUS FAR…

The Autopsy of Jane Doe, despite it’s mis-leadingly lurid title, is a smart and stylish psychological horror film blended with subtle supernatural elements that manages to offer a fresh take on its subject matter. The sophomore effort from Andre’ Ovredal, director of the amazing found footage film, TROLL HUNTER once again shows a flair for narrative cohesion and an eye for comedic timing as well and it’s our top pick of 2017 this far. We cannot recommend this one enough. For its part, Rotten Tomatoes, reports that 87% of 83 surveyed critics gave it a positive review; the average rating is 6.7/10. The site’s consensus reads: “The Autopsy of Jane Doe subverts genre expectations and delivers a smart, suggestively creepy thriller that bolsters director André Ovredal’s growing reputation.” Agreed. But its a film with a secret, and to say more would risk spoiling it, so just enjoy!! We give it an A-, check it out ASAP.

KEEP IT CULT

THE MUCH-DISMISSED GENIUS OF VANILLA SKY

Having been over sixteen years since the 2001 release of Cameron Crowe’s “Vanilla Sky”, this polarizing film has been experiencing a recent resurgence in interest and wih that has found a new audience as the film has become something people in this day and age can more easily access. Perhaps a bit ahead of its time, it failed to catch on with the public when it was released and quickly was relegated to being what was widely considered to be a financial and artistic failure, with only the former being true. This wildly underrated psychological masterpiece is a wonderfully beautiful and clever blend of tragic romance, science fiction and reality-warping film narrative to say nothing of the dark humor and meta-winks here and there that add irreverence and fun to this ultimately bittersweet cinema  outing. Sigur Ros, Radiohead, Peter Gabriel and Spiritualized all laid the foundation of one of the most well realized soundtracks in recent memory. Beyond the music, the film’s use of surrealistic, non-reality sequences keep you guessing as to what the film is even really about right up until the very end. You just can’t say anymore without giving away a single aspect of what makes this film so special but it is definitely worth a couple viewings and in the humble opinion of this Face Eater, easily one of the best love stories ever.

“Every passing moment is another chance to turn it all around…”

 

“I’ll see you in the next life, when we are both CATS…”

 

KEEP IT CULT

FACECON SIX PIX

Another Facecon has come and gone and we had an amazing time,  despite being fleeced by and undeserved/underwhelmed by the staff at the Stanley Hotel at every GD turn. However it did little to hamper our enjoyment and the festivities were grand. Beautiful gowns, sexy tuxedos, bloody knives and Furries in their….fur suits!! Plus booze, food, fun, and general misanthropy. Take a look at this!!

…not sure what this is…Erin having a seizure possibly.
Timmy and Josh helping Remy stay alive
FACE EATER GODFATHERS, Joshua and Patrick
The most handsome man alive, Señor Sean McTivius, of the Clan Smith.
It’s-a-ME…BRANDO!!!
Timmy, either about to be punched or handed a drink by Josh. Possibly both.
Misanthropic cinema geeks, Alex and Justin, verbally abusing Christine, who is off camera crying.
Satan himself
Life of the party, this fucking guy…
Remy inhaling booze like GEORGE BUCK FLOWER
Sean and Daniel inhaling booze like GEORGE BUCK FLOWER
Levi inhaling booze and Joshua grimacing his face, like GEORGE BUCK FLOWER
Travis and Erin, the coolest of the cool. Gods among mere mortals.
Untrustworthy, completely.
FACE EATERS ARE the SNAPPLE of the human species, absolutely the best S.O.B’s on EARTH. Cream of the genetic crop.
Christine showing off her FUNKO POP! Jason Voorhees whilst Brando glares at the hapless photog.
Monsieur Hogan. Enticing, no?
Someone had JUST told Hogan that he’s adopted…
Mine eyes have beheld the glory of the coming of the TRIVIA BOARD!!!
…..no idea…..
Is that Hagen in a cowboy hat back there?
Sean and Danny getting a good talking to from Mrs. ERIN.
Timmy’s shriveled weenis.
Solving one of the puzzles involved such bizarre tasks as watching a fairly unsettling video of a fucking scoliosis midget in a ballerina outfit dance for the amusement of the camera, and you really gotta wonder just how far down this rabbit hole we are gonna end up going and is this a warning that maybe we are treading down a dark path…?
The forces of both Light AND Dark were equally represented at the event.
Brando, showing off the goods for Hagen and Jimmy, who are trying not to vomit.
Timmy and Jessica discussing the best way to effectively poison everyone in attendance. Timmy insists that somehow playing the VR will help accomplish this, Jess isn’t so sure…
However, Jess and Timmy, as much due to laziness as anything, eventually decided to just play VR and not, in fact, murder all their friends.



Continue reading FACECON SIX PIX

PUZZLE PRIZE AND…

“Svir sbbg gra, fgebatyl ohvyg, nobhg n uhaqerq naq rvtugl cbhaqf; unve oybaqr, rlrf cnyr oyhr. Ur’q or nobhg guvegl-svir abj. Ur fnvq ur yvirq va Cuvynqrycuvn, ohg ur znl unir yvrq. Gung’f nyy V pna erzrzore, zhz, ohg vs V guvax bs nal zber, V jvyy yrg lbh xabj. Bu, naq Frangbe, whfg bar zber guvat: ybir lbhe fhvg!”

 

See Patrick for your prize.

 

 

 

Big Announcement at FACECON VI!!

Just when you though it couldn’t get any better,  we here at FACECON HQ have an announcement which should send ripples of joy-joy feelings throughout the whole of the collective known as the Face Eaters and their perverse cinema constituency. To get the good news, you need to, need to, NEED TO FUCKING BE at FACECON VI, at the historic STANLEY HOTEL in Estes Park, CO, APRIL 21ST -23RD, 2017.

BUT…..if you can’t make it, the news will surely leak to the online multitudes as soon as it is announced, despite our vigorous measures taken to prevent this kind of thing from happening. But you know how it is these days…with the interwebs and all.

Cause the hackers.

And Russia.

 

We run a tight ship at FACECON.ORG

 

SEE YOU AT FACECON VI!

KEEP IT CULT.

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